Hi guys, after a long train of thoughts. I’ve decided to write about a topic suggested by my dear friend, R. As the title above, it’s about insecurities. Taking a deep breath, fixing my spectacles that fell on my nose bridge, and stretching my fingers before I start to write about this one.
Phew, for me insecurity is an issue that we have with our
inner self. We are arguing with ourselves, telling how we are far than being
enough and asking “why am I not like them?” To be very very very honest,
insecurities are applied differently for everyone. Some people might feel
insecure with how they look, how they talk, how they walk, how they appear in
front of the public, how they will be the talk of others, how they are seen in
someone’s eyes, and et cetera. Trust me, it would be a super long list if I were
about to list one by one. Why? Because like I mentioned before, it applied
differently to everyone. Maybe I feel insecure about how I look but maybe
you’re not. And ofc, vice versa. I may not feel what you feel and that’s how
hard it is when insecurities attacked us. However, just so you know that, being
insecure is a nature side of humans. Sometimes we tend to doubt things we have
around us and feel insecure. So, you are not alone in this. ^^
Insecurities. I have tons of them too. I hate it when I feel
insecure about what I do. For real, insecurities really block my freedom to do
things that I love. That’s why if you see me going back and forth, that’s mean
this awful toxic is attacking me. Well, before this I tend to just… you know
like keeping myself in the dark and stopping myself from doing the things that
I want. As I’m scared of what people might think about me. And that I must say,
ladies and gentlemen, that is incredibly annoying! We can do whatever we love
to but because of these insecurities that we have, they stopped us from doing
so.
But now, I try my best to fight with the insecurities that I
have inside my head. I began to realize that I should fight with my
insecurities when a friend of mine, F slapped me with her words. I asked her
why she hasn’t posted anything on socmed after a while and she said to me,
“well, at least I posted pictures and not deleting them like you (savage
lol).” And right at that moment, my friends… A silent moment for me.
Her words really slapped me with a sense of realization. It’s like I woke up in
reality again after living in darkness for quite a long time. So, now, I
encourage myself to fight with my insecurities for a better living. And, I
don’t want my hair to grow grey at the age of 19 because of stress and tensions.
(facepalm)
Let me give you some heads up on how I fight my
insecurities. I will put it in context when we want to post something on
socmed. The reason why I choose this context is that I think many of us start
to feel insecure when we spend time scrolling and watching others live their
lives on social media. Our minds trigger us to feel insecure as we saw someone
that we think better than us and sadly we compare ourselves with what we saw.
:’).
My early phase of fighting insecurities:
Firstly, whenever I want to post something on socmed,
obviously I will pick something that has little chance of triggering my
insecurities. I make sure, it’s good enough in my eyes and I love it that way.
Reason? I want to feel satisfied with what I do and so that I won’t be
disturbed by such thoughts.
Next, I make sure what I write (for example: caption) has no
errors. No typos and such because these things will trigger my insecurities.
Then, I re-check everything. Check the picture if it looks
okay or not and check the words I wrote.
Lastly, when I feel satisfied with it, I post it.
Okay, this is the early phase of how I fight my insecurities
when I want to post something on socmed. It did work for me but I think the
little percentage of ‘perfectionist’ trait of myself wasn't come in handy. So,
I decided to throw that away. Scratch those and think of other ways. And, now
this is how I counter my insecurities with my own philosophy:
1. Set things according to my preference.
- I used to hate it when
someone leaves me on seen so I turned off my seen receipt. But now, I don’t
want to care anymore if people want to reply or not because I get lazy to care
too. So, I turned on my seen receipt and last seen. It makes my works easier
especially when I need a fast response as I’m not a patient human being so
making the ticks blue is quite good. However, it depends on you okay :) We are
different. So, if you are a type of person that the opposite of myself, I
suggest you turn off your seen receipt. As you wouldn’t need to care anymore if
the person read or left you on seen or feel guilty because you left someone on
seen (especially when it reached the end of the conversation). It’s like we
counter our insecurities with things that put us in our comfort zone.
- While on socmed, if we
feel like getting replies or comments make us feel insecure with what we
posted, then we can set it according to our preference. You can just turn off
the reply and comment so that you don’t need to care about what people will
say. And when you feel you’re okay with them then you turn it on again.
2. I tell myself that “no one really cares.”
- For
this one, I literally just clown myself and told myself that “Nadia, no one
care about it so why did you put your ass on fire?” Okay, let's take this in a
positive way. What I meant is, sometimes we thought people pay
attention to what we did. But actually, only a minority that really pays
attention to the details. After some reflections I did with my inner self, I
came to realize that why did I feel insecure with abstract things. Or maybe
something that I wasn’t sure if they will happen or not. No one really tells
us, right? Like no one slide to our DMs and says, “why did you post this? It’s
ugly.” Or “Em, Nadia, I don’t like your writings.” Or maybe, they criticize us
super negatively and not encouraging us at all for the sake of
improving. If we encounter those sorts of responses, we should just block
those negativity. But for real, most people will just ignore or judge us in
silence if they seem not interested in what we do. On a side note, maybe we are
the ones who think too much when they might not even notice what we
noticed.
- The same
goes when we feel insecure with our past. Sometimes, we keep on being haunted
by our memories especially the embarrassing one. In this case, I do insecure
about my past. As I grow tired of worrying and being insecure, I told myself
that there’s no need for me to think or care that much about what happened in
the past. Because the world probably don’t even remember what happened. Hence,
no need to keep ourselves in the dark because of the past we had. I learned
something from Mufti Menk when he tweeted;
"No matter how much you regret it or worry about what
happened, the past is over. You can’t change a thing. But, you can come to
terms with the fact that everything happens for a reason. Live the present
where the Almighty has given you the options to restore calm to your heart.”
Those were amazingly beautiful words written by him. And, I
absolutely agree with it. The past is past and we should live in the present.
Accept and embrace what had happened in the past so that we could restore the
peace of our hearts.
3. Delete or let it stay.
- Delete
is applied whenever we feel like we don’t want to think much about it anymore.
For example, we feel insecure about what we posted so we delete it because we
don’t want to be disturbed with such thought. By doing this, it doesn’t mean
that we are weak because we gave in to the insecurities thoughts. But, it’s
actually like we put a stop to a nonsense argument with someone who won’t
accept all the facts we said. So, if it occurs to you that way, then just
delete it.
- Let
it stay is applied when we don’t want to delete something that we love. It
would be a waste if we delete something that we love after spending our time
and efforts in editing and writing and et cetera. So, just let it stay and
ignore those disturbing thoughts. There are so many ways to ignore it. For
example, no need to click and see it again, or you could also just uninstall
the app. I do uninstall Instagram if I feel insecure and when I did that, my
inner chaos finally found its peace.
I came to a conclusion that I should just continue doing
what I love and what I want by putting all the ugly insecurities thought aside.
Insecurity is really a poison in one’s mind as it could lead one to a
never-ending tunnel. Our mental health are also at risk if we keep on feeding
our minds with insecurities. Everything that I wrote maybe not suitable to
everyone but I wish you guys all the best in fighting with the insecurities
that you have. I believe that our willpower are super important in fighting the
evil insecurities that we have in our minds. No one can do better than us in
that battle. However, don’t push ourselves too hard. Take it slow and encourage
ourselves to find happiness within us. I'm still working on handling my
insecurities too. Slowly but surely ^^ I’m not really good at giving away tips
or life lessons. That’s not a forte’ of mine as I have a lot in my bucket that
I need to fix too. Anyway, do share me your heads up too on how we can fight
the super annoying insecurities for the sake of our happiness. ^^
Ps, everything that I wrote above are merely my ways of
fighting the insecurities that I have. We also should bear in mind that we are
more than enough. We should not compare ourselves with others because that will
totally make us down and not happy with ourselves. :)
Pss, I'm sorry if my way of handling my insecurities seems
like I'm being hard on myself or improper. I am.. sometimes... being hard on
myself. Maybe because, i had enough with my insecurities. So, I'm taking it
this way. I don't expect you to do the same thing as I am. As humans are
different and solutions are all subjective ^^
Oh and, here I left a link to an article about
insecurities.
Best regards, take care and stay safe.
with love, ❤
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Thanks a bunch! 🤍